Unsaid

04.08.19

Excerpt from a love letter that will never be read.

How do you deal with feelings that aren’t supposed to exist?

Slowly over time I’ve noticed that when I interact with a certain person, a small part of me can’t help but to wonder – what if?

I find myself scanning the room every time I know that she might be there, waiting for her eyes to meet mine….and when she smiles…I wish time would move just a little slower so that moment could last a little longer.

When we speak I can’t help but to focus on every detail of her existence. The way her gaze meets mine. The way her lips move. I can’t help but to smile. I can’t help but to want to be around her.

There are small flashes in time where I think she might feel what I feel but those quickly fade. I shake off the illusion of being with her. Things are complicated at best. I know most people would say just go for it but I’ve been down similar roads before and I know where the dead end lies. I would rather be in her life and have her smile, pretending I’m the reason behind her happiness than having nothing at all. A part of me feels like she deserves better than I could ever offer but why not me? I shouldn’t put myself down the way I do, the way I used to.

I am enough.